The Impact of Avril Lavigne on the Church

Ok first things first, don't laugh at me and my obsession of Avril Lavigne, well you may laugh now if you would like... Ok now that that is out of your system let us move on.

Number 1: Reaching People

During this time of our crippling economic crisis (and a vicious ice storm of Death for those of us in the south around Arkansas) more people are starting to come to our churches and what better way to get people to stay after every preacher in the country is done doing there "How Jesus can get you out of your economic crisis" series and I have the answer, an entire series based on Avril Lavigne. I know what you are thinking, this guy is absolutely nuts, but no I am not, because if we incorporate the punk princess into our churches think of the millions of people who would come flocking to our doors- it would be standing room only! We could start with something from the Let Go era of Avril such as doing an entire sermon based on "I'm with you" the praise band could even open up the service with their own cover version of the song. (I could just see the music ministers getting up and introducing that! Can you imagine all the angels that would lose their wings? Or better yet all the old people that would pass out?) But it has such a great implication, "Such a damp cold night... Trying to figure out this life... Take me by the hand take me somewhere new, I don't know who you are but I'm, I'm with you" You could just make Jesus that awkward person creepily hanging out around the bridge in the middle of the night while Avril sings her heart out. Think of all the people that would repent and give their lives over to Jesus, and then after church and after they pick up a bucket of KFC Chicken, the flocks of people who would storm to the neighborhood Hastings to pick up that classic first album. Then move on to the Under My Skin era and kick it off with a little "My Happy Ending" and tell the people how Jesus can be that for them. Not only would it bring youth and fresh faces into your church, the faithful few will be confessing every sin they have ever done, can you say Great Awakening Take Three? Then on that fateful last sermon bring in Avril herself (or someone who looks really really close) and have a concert in the neighborhood performing arts center and let her lead worship, and then tag team with the rest of the pastors on staff and do a joint sermon on how we need to reach the world like Avril has... This will be great and if you actually do a sermon series on Avril, I would be happy enough to actually die and go to Heaven.

Number 2: Church Battles

Yes yes we know all the pastors in the world have watched "You Got Served" I cannot lie to you I have it on DVD and watch it every night before I go to sleep (followed by listening to a whole Avril album because she soothes my soul and I cannot go to sleep without hearing her voice, who can?) So church battles, we all know how the Fifth Community Church always has beef with the 7th Freewill Baptist of God Washed By the Blood Church, so when these churches meet for there monthly "You Got Served" showdown they could simply incorporate Avril songs to enhance the battle. "Hey Hey you you I don't like your churches, ya ya ya think you need a new one" and of course thought when the First Baptist Church rolls up and sings their version of "Things I'll Never Say" everyone will then convert and the FBC will have to build a church big enough to hold the whole town

Number 3: Church Attire

Yes indeed if Avril was brought into the church we would then be able to shove our old suits into the back of the closet and bring out those rocker clothes we secretly wear on Saturday nights when we are home alone while we are rocking out to Avril. Everyone knows every music minister likes to pretend they are rockstars anyway so why not let them put on a little eye liner and a half ripped rocker shirt that looks like it is stained with Jesus' blood? I think it would rock. We could even equip every church with concert lights and giant speakers so loud you couldn't hear the person next to you, although we would have to control the attire of girls though because you know it might get out of hand, but what lost person wouldn't love to walk into a church full of people dressed like Avril? I know I would.

Number 4: Bringing this generations churches over that bloody hill

During these days we are struggling to keep a christian stronghold in this nation and with Avril at the helm we could finally take over once again. She would push us to reach lost people and clean out ourselves and repent, also along the way if we all find a skater boy/girl then it is a win win for everyone involved! So I plead to you. Bring Avril into YOUR church today.

Just bring it up in the next business meeting.

I think we should combine all the churches and make Avril president of them all.

Think of the lost souls that would be saved.

Therefore I say, Avril Lavigne is the key to reaching lost people. Period.